You can't win an argument

As we approach the holiday season, many of us are looking forward to socialising with colleagues, friends and family. For some however, this can also be a time of trepidation as, in a post-truth world, not even the weather is a safe topic of conversation.

I find myself biting my tongue often these days as opinions are expressed about climate change, white privilege, the pandemic, and just who won the US election! I want to speak my mind but I’m also reminded of the words of Dale Carnegie, whose best-selling book How to Win Friends and Influence People, I plucked from my father’s bookshelf decades ago.

So how do we allow opposing points of view and opinions to be expressed without an argument? And how can we reach a consensus on facts and reality?

According to Otto Scharmen, in this insightful article: The Darkest Hour Is Just Before the Dawn, the answer lies in part with learning to listen with humility, “to suspend our habits of judgment in order to let the data talk to us.” 

This advice is echoed by Nancy Kline in her latest book: The Promise That Changes Everything. She proposes that listening to each other, with genuine curiosity and without interruption, “deepens relationships, spawns dignity, raises the intelligence of groups and enriches every conversation.”

If you’re looking for some playful ideas to brighten your Christmas Conversations, I encourage you to head along to this free online workshop, facilitated by Shift Practitioner Leonie Cutts on December 15th.

And you’ll find more opportunities to develop your listening and leadership capability on our events page.