Preparing for Difficult Conversations
We’re almost there, spring has sprung and the light of normality is shining at the end of our lockdown tunnel. But the promise of new freedom is accompanied by more than one caveat and will require, at least in the short term, more than one difficult conversation.
Growing up my father taught me never to discuss money or politics in a social setting and I imagine, if he were alive today, he would add vaccinations to that list. But of course, as our bubbles expand and businesses reopen, it will become increasingly difficult not to address the elephant in the room.
Whatever side of the fence you sit on, you probably feel strongly. These are matters of life and liberty afterall. Try as you might, you will find it hard to understand how those on the other side could have come to see things as they do. You will want to patiently explain to them how they have been misinformed and help them to see the common sense and morality so very obvious to you.
This will not go well. Neither party is likely to change their point of view. At best you may agree to disagree. At worst, you may destroy your relationship entirely.
As we head into an election year, the government’s response to Covid-19 is just one of many topics that have the potential to divide us. While avoiding difficult conversations altogether is tempting, it’s not always possible. And more importantly, if we refuse to listen to the thinking of others, how can we hope to expand our own?
According to Bill Godwin, American scientist and philosopher, we can respond to difference in one of the following three ways:
We can dismiss them and their views entirely. This is the most comfortable reaction and what most people do, but it leaves us bound in our own silo.
We can argue with them, but we know arguments seldom change anyone’s mind or accomplish anything useful.
Or “One can freely admit one’s ignorance and explore with them respectfully and with an open mind just why they believe what they believe. One needs to begin with the assumption (obviously true if one thinks about it) that they may well be right and it is we who are wrong because of our own ignorance or assumption or biases or cultural and life experiences. It’s amazing what one can learn about other people’s lives, other people’s experiences, other people’s assumptions and biases, and other people’s cultures with this approach.”
When we take the third option (aka humilty), regardless of whether or not we reach an agreement, we gain a deeper understanding of the other person, we build empathy and we reconnect with our shared humanity.
In the words of Nancy Kline, founder of Time To Think and bestselling author of The Promise That Changes Everything:
“Consider afresh that polarization is a phenomenon not of disagreement, but of disconnection. It is when we disconnect from each other as human beings that we polarise. Once we disconnect and polarization begins (when we suddenly judge the other to be irretrievably wrong and ourselves to be unassailably right), we disconnect further and we polarise more.”
So as we begin to reconnect in the real world, let’s not allow our differences to divide us. Let’s instead work to create truly inclusive spaces that welcome diversity in all of it’s forms, including different and divergent thinking. It’s easier said than done of course which is why it is essential to have practical tools and proven processes to draw on.
Commencing in November, Shift Practitioner Candice Smith and fellow Time To Think specialist Trisha Lord, will be launching an online six session deep dive: Cultivating the Field of Inclusion. Designed for Diversity and Inclusion champions and leaders to experience how a Thinking Environment® can be applied to create spaces that welcome difference, establish equality and deepen connection.